“The bond between father and daughter is so strong it can never be broken”
“A girl will marry a man exactly like her father”
“A father should be the measuring stick against which all men will be compared”
Daddy quotes have always bothered me. It seems they are old and antiquated. The sayings are based around a family dynamic that doesn’t exist anymore. Not all girls have a “daddy”. Not all girls need a “daddy”.
I grew up without a father and I never felt like I was lacking or missing out on anything. He made it very clear that he didn’t want to be a part of our lives and when he tried many years later to insert himself back into our lives, I made it very clear he had no part in my life. He gave up the right to be a dad to me when he wasn’t at any concerts, softball games, homecoming/prom preparations, hospital visits, tending to me when I had a cold, helping me with homework. You don’t get the privilege of being a father at your convenience, you can’t swoop in after all the hard things are done and only get the good parts of your child’s life.
I grew up with an amazing mother that filled both rolls for me. She didn’t have it easy and I know that. I may not have then, but looking back, she did what she could and I never once wished that my dad was with me. She filled the roll of mom so fully that I didn’t think I was missing out on anything. My mother continues to be an amazing mother and now a grandmother. She made sure that her kids never went without even when it meant that she did. Again, something I didn’t understand growing up but being a mom now and reflecting back as events happen with my kids, I realize how much she sacrificed. I never envied my friends that had their fathers still at home.
To hear a quote about a first love being a dad, does that mean that I don’t know true love? I’m happily married for 14 years so that quote must be flawed. I am so grateful that the man I married is a dad to our children. He is at all events and volunteers with some of the activities that they do. He is there when they need a shoulder, he is there to tend to them when they are sick. I am so glad that none of the quotes apply to my life and that I married the total opposite type of man that my father is. My father was definitely a measuring stick but it was for qualities that I don’t want my husband to possess.
To all the girls with no father figure, don’t waste your time wishing for a man that didn’t want to be a part of all those small important parts of your life. Be grateful for those that wanted to see you in all those moments. Thank all those that wanted to see you at your worst and at your best. Appreciate who you do have rather than obsessing over someone that made a choice to ignore you. Life’s too short for that ugliness, find the beauty and embrace it.
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